a rant about self-image

I am on Pinterest. 

I love it! I think that there are so many delicious meals to cook, crafts to sew, things to make from pallets, and ideas for decorating that can all be found in one place. It makes searching the web just a little bit easier.

However there is something that really bothers me about it. What bothers me is how many of my friends have pin boards on being motivated to be skinny. 

I don't have a problem with eating right, and being fit. I think God gave us lives that we should take care of as much as he has provided for us to take care of them. I just have a problem with how obsessed women tend to get about their looks.

I even have a friend who cares so much what she looks like that she thinks her husband won't love her if she doesn't work out. How sad for her, that her self-worth is so wrapped up in what she looks like.

1 Peter 3:4-6
[godly women] but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

This is very interesting because when Peter wrote this, the Roman empire was at its peak. Philosophers were writing and teaching. They were worshiping the gods of Homer's Iliad and Odyssey (the Romans, not Peter). Technology had progressed so far and it took ages after the fall of the empire to recover it. These people weren't far behind the way American culture exists today. There was just as much perversion, sex, entertainment, and violence. 

I say all of this because it seems that whenever anyone wants to bring up the S word - submission - I tend to hear the excuse, "Oh well the culture was much different back then." I believe this to be a very weak excuse.

Peter was a man and a sinner just like all men. He saw women the same way all heterosexual men see women today - attractive. He may have even gotten married. So when he tells women how to dress and behave biblically, he probably knows what he's talking about. 

Ladies, we need to be set apart. 

The culture around us entices us to feel like we should look a certain way. We need to not buy into it. Stay healthy and eat the things God gave us for food. Stay healthy and get out in the creation and work hard at everything you do. But it is extremely unnecessary to look like an airbrushed celebrity.

Secondly there is a list there of how we as women should look. 

- imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

How many women who are working their tails off at the gym are also working on taming their spirit? A gentle and quiet spirit doesn't mean that we need to be soft-spoken, mousy, timid women. It means to be at peace. Is your soul peaceful or are you constantly anxious, worrying, whining, or complaining about something? Are you working hard at casting those cares on Jesus? Are you even thinking about doing that? I know that as a woman there are many things for me worry, be anxious, and complain about. I'm not good at letting them be either. But rather than being concerned about a flat tummy, I should be looking into getting peace for my spirit.

- the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.

Wow! Do you call your husband lord?

I started. Seriously. And it's kind of fun. He likes it. He finds it encouraging and sweet.

I know ladies who say they submit to their husbands, and yet I see them being very nagging and controlling nonetheless. 

Submission is happy obedience. It is letting someone else be in control. Above all, it is letting go of your own wants, desires, and expectations of the other person and giving those things to God. 

For example:

There are a lot of things that need to get done around my home, and I do a lot. It would be nice of my husband to help out with the baby/handy work/putting away his laundry/etc., whenever he is home. However, my husband also works six days a week to provide for our family to eat, dress, and have a roof over our heads. If my husband wants to relax when he gets home, is it really kind or fair of me to start nagging him to do things? If he tells me he will do something, is it really my job to monitor the time frame in which it gets done? If it doesn't get done and it is in my power to do it, I should just do it myself because it's obviously bothering me more than it is him.

Also, we are not the heads of our families, but rather our husbands are. They are responsible before God at the end of the day with how they have cared for that family. They will have to answer and give an account. Do you know how scary that is? Do you know how heavy a load that is for a man to bear? Do you really want to take that load on yourself? Therefore the choices your husband makes for you, your children, and himself may include your opinions and counsel, but they are his to make. He doesn't need your nagging or manipulation. You only make a burden and a hinderance (not a help) of yourself when you so easily do this.

You don't have to trust your husband to make good decisions. He probably will fail from time to time. However, God gave that husband to you, and He established him as your leader. Therefore you must trust God to take care of you - good or bad decisions. God will work all things for your good (Rom. 8:28)

- And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening

This all goes back to not worrying, trusting God, and finding peace.

How are you doing on working on your heart? 

where does she find the time?

I remember growing up, and my mother's friends would hear about all the things my mom did at home.

- home schooled 7 of her 8 children at once
- bakes her own bread
- cooks her meals from scratch
- makes her own soap
- sewed and knit clothes for her kids (matching outfits on Easter and for family photos were the worst)
- painted oil paintings
- milked a cow
- showed rabbits
- makes home made birthday/Christmas gifts
- probably more things I can't remember

Her friends would always ask, "Where does your mother find the time?"

First of all, she didn't do all of these things at the same time. When most of her kids were really small, my parents only had one car, so had no choice but to stay home all day. As we got older, her older children were able to help her mind the little ones. It was just a natural family dynamic for a large family.

Next, mom wasn't a bad housekeeper, but she wasn't super picky either. The floor got vacuumed, but nothing ever got dusted. The table was cleared (when we weren't eating, crafting, or doing school work), but there were always cluttered countertops, microwave, and fridge. Those things weren't priority over our education, health, or frugality (if it was cheaper for her to make it, she would spend the time to do it).

As we got older, mom would drive us to and from work (sometimes 4 kids to 4 different jobs at different times of the day).

Where did she find the time? She sacrificed it. She laid down the things that most women would choose to do with their lives - going out frequently with friends, shopping for herself, going to the movies, getting a 9-5 job, working out at the gym, getting her hair done at the salon, etc. Instead she stayed home and was a selfless servant to her family because she considered it a higher calling to serve them.

Titus 2:3-5 - Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

When I was younger, my mother first fell in line with that of a younger woman. She stayed and worked in her home, tending to her family. I watched as she learned to be submissive to my father, and how the Lord taught her self-control and purity. Now mom is an older woman. All but one of her children are adults; two of them are married with children and one is about to become married. She is the wife of my father who is now an elder in our church. Her Christian responsibilities are now changing to that of teaching the younger women of the church. But she still stays home.

The sad part about the state of the Church today is that the older women, after raising their families, go back out to work. Mostly because they think they aren't needed at home. They also don't think the church has need of them with all of these young hip women who have careers and who know what they want out of life. Young women, we don't let the older women know they are needed. Instead we are looking for groups of women from our own age demographic and who lead the same lifestyles so our children can play together and we can gossip...I mean have bible studies.

Ok, maybe that was a bit harsh. What's wrong with having Christian friends our own age with children for our own to play with? Nothing. Only, we just don't seem to value the wisdom that an older woman in the faith can offer, and we may not like what they have to teach us, but when we do this we dishonor them. We should be honoring these women.


Dear women of God,


If it is at all possible, stay home. The Word teaches that young women should work at home. Not to go out and work. This is a worldly mentality that has been taught and excepted as a result of feminism.


Feminism teaches that women are strong and independent. Women are strong (so strong), but they are not independent. The woman was created to be a companion to man; a helper. She was created for him, and not him for her (Genesis 2:18, 22; 1 Corinthians 11:9).


Our husband is our purpose. We were created to help him fulfill his goals, and his dreams. This may mean that we will be required to lay our goals and dreams down at the feet of the Lord. The Lord may require us to let them go altogether. It is hard to swallow that, but we are strong. Remember? This isn't to say that God will make your life miserable. If He does require you to give up your dreams, then He will cause you to embrace, not resent, those of your husbands...if you are willing to submit.


The Word also teaches that the husband is the head if the home and therefore, if he asks you to go to work, then you should submit. If he asks you to go and work, then he takes the responsibility of your being away from home on himself. I'm not saying it is sinful to do this. I am only saying it is the man's responsibility and his choice for you.


If we are unmarried, we are under the authority of our fathers. He will be accountable to the Lord for our actions and behaviors. If our father is dead, then our authority is our mother and our church pastor/elders. Widows fall under the church authority category, and divorced women should go back to their fathers.


Love, your sister,
Nicki