all the single ladies

Before I met my husband, I was single. I never had a real boyfriend.

There were guys I had kissed, but none of them seemed to want to be in a relationship and those encounters quickly fizzled. I was constantly perplexed about why other girls could get a guy to be willing to be their boyfriend and I could not.

For a while I decided that I didn't want/need a boyfriend, and that things were much better being single. I didn't need a man to validate my existence because I knew that Jesus loved me as I was. And no, Jesus was/is not my boyfriend. This phase went very well for me.

During my time of focused single-hood I made a lot of really monumental decisions for my life. I decided that I didn't want a boyfriend until I met the man who would be my husband. In order to make sure that happened and I didn't go falling for every handsome face that seemed like a godly man, I made a list of qualities I knew I would require in a mate.

I don't remember all of them, but a couple of them were:

• A man who is a reformed Christian
• A man who'd be willing to forego all forms of birth contraceptives
• A man who'd let me homeschool the kids
• A man who wouldn't let me be in control
• etc.

I had been praying (and I still pray this way) that the Lord would form me into the kind of woman that woman was meant to be - woman before the fall and sin. I also prayed for a spouse who would be the man as Adam and men in general were meant to be - before the fall and sin. Now I am not now, nor was I ever foolish enough to think that I would become the perfect woman or find the perfect man. I just know that there is a design that God intended for both men and women in the beginning, and I don't think His purpose has changed ever since. 

I started reading the Word, and trying to understand what that might entail.

This was a really good exercise for me because as I started learning, the more the Lord was able to work on my heart and change my attitudes (quite frankly, He's still doing that). When you start researching gender roles in Scripture, you can't help but read about marriage, submission, leadership, etc. 

When I finally did meet my husband, things went quite a bit different. I played hard to get instead of leaving the door wide open. It was a challenge for him to figure out if he liked me and if I was worth leaving his family to travel half-way across the country to court me. We hashed out our pasts and offered each other forgiveness. We talked about the things that were deal breakers, and the things we'd be willing to sacrifice for the other person before getting into the relationship at all. 

I have found that a lot of people become unhappy in their marriages and divorce because they start to realize that their spouse wants something different than they do, or that they had no idea about this or that aspect of the person until it's too late. They don't talk about the important things at the beginning because they don't want to frighten the other person off because it's "too heavy." Honestly, if you can't talk about the heavy stuff at the stage where you're interested in getting to know a person as "more than friends" then that's probably a good sign that you shouldn't be "more than friends." I think a lot of heartache and mistakes can be prevented with a lot of honesty before things get too intense.

If you are a single woman, and would like to be married one day, I strongly suggest you start doing your research into who God would want you to be. Not just for a husband, but for yourself. When you figure yourself out, you are better able to figure out what you want; what you can and can't live with. 

Lastly, I was given a good piece of advice about preparing for marriage by a young single man. "Women always concentrate on looking for the right man, but how many are concentrating on becoming the right woman?"

a rant about self-image

I am on Pinterest. 

I love it! I think that there are so many delicious meals to cook, crafts to sew, things to make from pallets, and ideas for decorating that can all be found in one place. It makes searching the web just a little bit easier.

However there is something that really bothers me about it. What bothers me is how many of my friends have pin boards on being motivated to be skinny. 

I don't have a problem with eating right, and being fit. I think God gave us lives that we should take care of as much as he has provided for us to take care of them. I just have a problem with how obsessed women tend to get about their looks.

I even have a friend who cares so much what she looks like that she thinks her husband won't love her if she doesn't work out. How sad for her, that her self-worth is so wrapped up in what she looks like.

1 Peter 3:4-6
[godly women] but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

This is very interesting because when Peter wrote this, the Roman empire was at its peak. Philosophers were writing and teaching. They were worshiping the gods of Homer's Iliad and Odyssey (the Romans, not Peter). Technology had progressed so far and it took ages after the fall of the empire to recover it. These people weren't far behind the way American culture exists today. There was just as much perversion, sex, entertainment, and violence. 

I say all of this because it seems that whenever anyone wants to bring up the S word - submission - I tend to hear the excuse, "Oh well the culture was much different back then." I believe this to be a very weak excuse.

Peter was a man and a sinner just like all men. He saw women the same way all heterosexual men see women today - attractive. He may have even gotten married. So when he tells women how to dress and behave biblically, he probably knows what he's talking about. 

Ladies, we need to be set apart. 

The culture around us entices us to feel like we should look a certain way. We need to not buy into it. Stay healthy and eat the things God gave us for food. Stay healthy and get out in the creation and work hard at everything you do. But it is extremely unnecessary to look like an airbrushed celebrity.

Secondly there is a list there of how we as women should look. 

- imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

How many women who are working their tails off at the gym are also working on taming their spirit? A gentle and quiet spirit doesn't mean that we need to be soft-spoken, mousy, timid women. It means to be at peace. Is your soul peaceful or are you constantly anxious, worrying, whining, or complaining about something? Are you working hard at casting those cares on Jesus? Are you even thinking about doing that? I know that as a woman there are many things for me worry, be anxious, and complain about. I'm not good at letting them be either. But rather than being concerned about a flat tummy, I should be looking into getting peace for my spirit.

- the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.

Wow! Do you call your husband lord?

I started. Seriously. And it's kind of fun. He likes it. He finds it encouraging and sweet.

I know ladies who say they submit to their husbands, and yet I see them being very nagging and controlling nonetheless. 

Submission is happy obedience. It is letting someone else be in control. Above all, it is letting go of your own wants, desires, and expectations of the other person and giving those things to God. 

For example:

There are a lot of things that need to get done around my home, and I do a lot. It would be nice of my husband to help out with the baby/handy work/putting away his laundry/etc., whenever he is home. However, my husband also works six days a week to provide for our family to eat, dress, and have a roof over our heads. If my husband wants to relax when he gets home, is it really kind or fair of me to start nagging him to do things? If he tells me he will do something, is it really my job to monitor the time frame in which it gets done? If it doesn't get done and it is in my power to do it, I should just do it myself because it's obviously bothering me more than it is him.

Also, we are not the heads of our families, but rather our husbands are. They are responsible before God at the end of the day with how they have cared for that family. They will have to answer and give an account. Do you know how scary that is? Do you know how heavy a load that is for a man to bear? Do you really want to take that load on yourself? Therefore the choices your husband makes for you, your children, and himself may include your opinions and counsel, but they are his to make. He doesn't need your nagging or manipulation. You only make a burden and a hinderance (not a help) of yourself when you so easily do this.

You don't have to trust your husband to make good decisions. He probably will fail from time to time. However, God gave that husband to you, and He established him as your leader. Therefore you must trust God to take care of you - good or bad decisions. God will work all things for your good (Rom. 8:28)

- And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening

This all goes back to not worrying, trusting God, and finding peace.

How are you doing on working on your heart? 

blood on our hands

Disclaimer: This post is not to pass judgement on the actions of any individual person(s) but to cause awareness of a subject that is rarely discussed openly in the church.

I don't use birth contraception. None. Not the pill, not condoms; I don't even use the 'rhythm method' as prescribed by the Catholic church.

The reason I don't is because of personal convictions. I believe that God is the giver and sustainer of life. He is the creator and we are the creation. I believe the Lord open and closes the womb as he did with Sarah, Hannah, and Rachel.

Who are we, oh creation, to tell the Creator when and when not to create? Does this not seem like arrogance?

I only have one child. I conceived her one month after getting married to my husband. Would it have been nice to have gotten more alone time with my new spouse before adding to our family? Sure. But it was not God's will for our family, and my daughter is a treasure to us and a blessing to our home. We would never want to be without her.

I only have one child, and not 19 like Michelle Duggar, so I am not assaulted by comments by fellow believers such as:

"You know what causes that, don't you?"

"Wow, you're just like rabbits!"

But I have heard them said to my mother who has 8 children. All of whom she loves to the point of giving up her life for.

Comments such as these are extremely offensive, and if you have ever made them, you need to apologize to the person you made them to, and ask forgiveness of the Lord for despising the blessing he has bestowed upon such families.

Psalm 127:3-5  

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. 

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior    are the children of one's youth. 

Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! 

He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

It is your own business if you have chosen to limit your blessings. I will not judge you for it. But it is not your business to judge others for having a bounty of them. Rather, you should be rejoicing along side of them. You cannot bring any other thing on this earth to heaven with you, but you can strive to lead your children to Christ and in so doing assure their place in heaven with you, however many there may be.

Matthew 19:14 - but Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.”

Some women cannot get pregnant at all. They try special surgeries and tests in order to become so. Why? Because they desire the blessing.


On the other hand...



There are many people in the church who get all fired up about abortion being genocide. How many of those women are on the pill, and participating in that genocide?

I said WHAT!?

I know there are many people who aren't aware that being on the pill kills babies. So I am telling you now - Being on the pill kills babies.

I tried to add this video from youtube but blogger can't find it, so if you're interested in knowing the truth about how the birth control pill causes abortions, click here.

If the church is committing genocide, how can we expect that our prayers for abortion to stop to be heard?

Planned Parenthood are the largest supporters of abortion and handers out of the birth control pill in this country. Unfortunately our government is spending our tax dollars to support Planned Parenthood along with overseas abortions. This is something we can't control. However, we can control our support of organizations who, in turn, support planned parenthood.

These are organizations that support Planned Parenthood as sited by Life Decisions International & Les Femmes The Truth

• Outward Bound West 
• American Automobile Association (AAA)
• Kaiser Permanente
• Dr. Phil Foundation
• Lions Clubs
• American Cancer Society
• Easter Seals
• Boys & Girls Clubs
• Ronald McDonald House Charities
• Camp Fire Girls Inc.
• Girl Scouts
• Kiwanis Clubs
• March of Dimes
• Muscular Dystrophy Association
• Rotary Clubs
• Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation
• The Salvation Army
• YWCA
• America Gives Back (formerly [American] Idol Gives Back)
• YMCA
• American Association of Retired Persons (AARP)
• American Diabetes Association. 

Involvement ranges from donating funds to pro-abortion groups (or allowing affiliates to do so), supporting anti-life causes, allowing pro-abortion groups access to membership, adopting an official pro-abortion policy position, and so forth

I'm not trying to tell you how you should plan your family. All I'm trying to say is, this is what I am currently doing AND I am asking you to both examine prayerfully the way you are planning your family and to examine your attitude toward those who have decided to allow God to work how He will in theirs.

where does she find the time?

I remember growing up, and my mother's friends would hear about all the things my mom did at home.

- home schooled 7 of her 8 children at once
- bakes her own bread
- cooks her meals from scratch
- makes her own soap
- sewed and knit clothes for her kids (matching outfits on Easter and for family photos were the worst)
- painted oil paintings
- milked a cow
- showed rabbits
- makes home made birthday/Christmas gifts
- probably more things I can't remember

Her friends would always ask, "Where does your mother find the time?"

First of all, she didn't do all of these things at the same time. When most of her kids were really small, my parents only had one car, so had no choice but to stay home all day. As we got older, her older children were able to help her mind the little ones. It was just a natural family dynamic for a large family.

Next, mom wasn't a bad housekeeper, but she wasn't super picky either. The floor got vacuumed, but nothing ever got dusted. The table was cleared (when we weren't eating, crafting, or doing school work), but there were always cluttered countertops, microwave, and fridge. Those things weren't priority over our education, health, or frugality (if it was cheaper for her to make it, she would spend the time to do it).

As we got older, mom would drive us to and from work (sometimes 4 kids to 4 different jobs at different times of the day).

Where did she find the time? She sacrificed it. She laid down the things that most women would choose to do with their lives - going out frequently with friends, shopping for herself, going to the movies, getting a 9-5 job, working out at the gym, getting her hair done at the salon, etc. Instead she stayed home and was a selfless servant to her family because she considered it a higher calling to serve them.

Titus 2:3-5 - Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

When I was younger, my mother first fell in line with that of a younger woman. She stayed and worked in her home, tending to her family. I watched as she learned to be submissive to my father, and how the Lord taught her self-control and purity. Now mom is an older woman. All but one of her children are adults; two of them are married with children and one is about to become married. She is the wife of my father who is now an elder in our church. Her Christian responsibilities are now changing to that of teaching the younger women of the church. But she still stays home.

The sad part about the state of the Church today is that the older women, after raising their families, go back out to work. Mostly because they think they aren't needed at home. They also don't think the church has need of them with all of these young hip women who have careers and who know what they want out of life. Young women, we don't let the older women know they are needed. Instead we are looking for groups of women from our own age demographic and who lead the same lifestyles so our children can play together and we can gossip...I mean have bible studies.

Ok, maybe that was a bit harsh. What's wrong with having Christian friends our own age with children for our own to play with? Nothing. Only, we just don't seem to value the wisdom that an older woman in the faith can offer, and we may not like what they have to teach us, but when we do this we dishonor them. We should be honoring these women.


Dear women of God,


If it is at all possible, stay home. The Word teaches that young women should work at home. Not to go out and work. This is a worldly mentality that has been taught and excepted as a result of feminism.


Feminism teaches that women are strong and independent. Women are strong (so strong), but they are not independent. The woman was created to be a companion to man; a helper. She was created for him, and not him for her (Genesis 2:18, 22; 1 Corinthians 11:9).


Our husband is our purpose. We were created to help him fulfill his goals, and his dreams. This may mean that we will be required to lay our goals and dreams down at the feet of the Lord. The Lord may require us to let them go altogether. It is hard to swallow that, but we are strong. Remember? This isn't to say that God will make your life miserable. If He does require you to give up your dreams, then He will cause you to embrace, not resent, those of your husbands...if you are willing to submit.


The Word also teaches that the husband is the head if the home and therefore, if he asks you to go to work, then you should submit. If he asks you to go and work, then he takes the responsibility of your being away from home on himself. I'm not saying it is sinful to do this. I am only saying it is the man's responsibility and his choice for you.


If we are unmarried, we are under the authority of our fathers. He will be accountable to the Lord for our actions and behaviors. If our father is dead, then our authority is our mother and our church pastor/elders. Widows fall under the church authority category, and divorced women should go back to their fathers.


Love, your sister,
Nicki

intro

This is my blog about biblical femininity. This subject is very close to my heart.

I have been on a long journey over the past eleven years of learning what it means to be a woman as God meant for women to be. I am still learning. In fact the more I learn, the more I find I need to keep learning.

I started out as a rebellious girl who was depressed, and then became a Christian. Now I am a married woman and new mother to a girl of my own.

I don't make any pretenses as to being perfect or even good at being a biblical woman. I only wish to share what I have learned, and what God keeps teaching me. This is a service to you, should you desire to learn biblical femininity, and a future service to my daughter.

I also wish to learn from you, should you have any comments that would further lift up biblical femininity and dispel the lie of feminism that has creeped into the hearts of Christs Bride, the Church.